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Ivy

@1gayturtle.bsky.social
43 followers 21 following 72 posts

Work from home backflip instructor

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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 11h
Fucking a white mom to steal all her kohl's cash
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Taking a tolerance break from my eating disorder
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Getting a costco membership to buy all the pussy in bulk
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Looking for dl trade on letterboxd
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 20/07/2026
I'm straight pooh bearing and front tiggering
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Hardcore show got me feeling like hitchbot
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
Hop off my dick bitch im trying to watch the boondocks
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
Ice Cream Bar Crawl
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
Dick was so trash I had to get bottom surgery call that junk removal
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Reposted by Ivy
nancy @nancypelosi.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
space alien doing burnouts in a ufo
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Doing backflips over a turtle
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
We goin 450mph on Florida Avenue hitting seagulls with our car
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Everyone hates playing strip poker with me bevause I start cutting myself
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
*Talking about her circumcision*: are you a hoodrat or do you cut yourself?
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 06/05/2026
We chillin at the home depot in the areola section on Busch Ave looking out for al-Queda
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
I bring an atrocious and unsettling vibe to the function
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Saluting towards mecca to support 9/11
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
I licked the boots at the thrift store and speedran every STD
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Nicotine-themed funeral
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
mistook my gun for my inhaler and won a Disney Fast Pass™ to Valhalla
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
I'm at the kava bar showing women numbers you've never even heard of
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Changing colors on mountain hue
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 12/03/2026
Nancy Reagan was the terminator for throat sucking
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
I'm going to the renfair as Joe Rogan
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 08/03/2026
Sicilian Hypno Compilation
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
I'm the Katie Ledecky of eating box
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
Going to The Castle to mansplain the moon to goth women
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Reposted by Ivy
the horses mouth @jennieon.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
“Abolish (x)” is such a sanitized avoidance of what really needs to happen, which sounds a lot more like “violently revolt against (x).” The use of “abolish” almost makes it sound like if we get rid of this one thing, it would solve the issue. “Abolish ICE!!” Hey, I got a better idea:
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
Gangnam Style while I'm riding that thang 💯
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 08/02/2025
Doing the worm in my girlfriend's bed bc I'm dirty as fuck
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 08/02/2025
I can't stop going to panera and shoving the pagers up my ass. Im having an asiago bagel-themed prostate orgasm every Saturday and I couldn't feel any more alive
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Reposted by Ivy
Paul F. Tompkins @pftompkins.bsky.social · 29/01/2025
The people who didn’t vote withheld their support not because they thought it was going to make something happen; people couldn’t stomach casting a vote for someone they knew wasn’t going to make anything happen but more death.
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 31/01/2025
Doing my little cnc dance in the kitchen
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⚜️TxWhoDatChic⚜️ @txwhodatchic.bsky.social · 21/01/2025
I did not ask for that man to be on my TV in the middle of the football game.
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Adventures in Aardia @rollforsandwich.com · 20/01/2025
I’m can’t wait to dead name the Gulf of Mexico.
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Gillian Branstetter @gbbranstetter.bsky.social · 20/01/2025
ACT UP, 1990
A man carries a coffin with a skull on the front and spray painted on the side "we're here we're queer we hate the fucking president"
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Reposted by Ivy
🇵🇹 snipe, lixo tóxico ⭑⭒⭒⭒⭒ @snipe.lol · 21/01/2025
Since everything is terrible, enjoy my rotten cat making bed biscuits when she was wee
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 06/01/2025
Putting a homophobic slur in my resume
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 19/12/2024
Writing a wikihow article on how to teach your dog to cripwalk. Thoughts?
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 19/12/2024
Complaining to my manager that the workplace isn't muppet-accessible enough
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 29/11/2024
My roommate keeps crowdkilling my dog so I had to terminate her lease
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 25/11/2024
*talking to my friends* You, a recovering bottom,
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 25/11/2024
Doing a kidnapping scene with this parapalegic twink I met at The Front Bottoms concert and taking the legs off of him like its a futon in my storage unit so he can fit in my car
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 10/10/2024
Porn acting through my own suicide attempt
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 03/09/2024
I'm in the club dancing like a Hotel Transylvania character
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 27/08/2024
Becoming a mechanical engineer to make plane engines bigger and more powerful so they can kill more birds
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 14/07/2024
They should've started playing Break Stuff after Trump got shot
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 13/07/2024
Dishonorably discharged from the 2nd grade
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 24/06/2024
Retirement via firing squad
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Ivy @1gayturtle.bsky.social · 19/06/2024
Sucking on her discharge like Kurt Cobain
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